Insult
41. We may say that one of the
principal causes of our lack of humility is that we forget too readily
the sins we have committed. We only think of our sins when we are preparing for
Confession, and even then we only think of our sins in order to sum up their
kind and number, in order to make a valid Confession, but we hardly ever stop
to consider their gravity, enormity and malice. And even if we do bestow
some slight thought on them, it is only in order to flatter ourselves that our
sorrow is sufficient for the validity of our Confession, and what is still more
amazing is that we are hardly out of the Confessional when the remembrance of
all our sins vanishes, and even the greatest sinner lives in a state of
absolute peace, as if he had always led the most innocent of lives. O miserable
state! We always retain a vivid remembrance of those insults which we
receive from our fellow-men, thereby fostering our resentment; but we do not
bear in remembrance those insults which we have offered to God, thereby
becoming humble and exhorting ourselves to repentance. What wonder that
we do not become humble if we remain oblivious to these urgent motives for
humility!
Let us remember
our sins, not in order that they should make us over-scrupulous, but so as to
live in due humility. It is for that same reason that Jeremias the prophet said
that he who does not do penance does not practice humility, because "There
is none that saith: What have I done?" [Jer. viii, 6] If we thought well
over this, "What have I done?" what have I done in sinning? what have
I done in offending God? our hearts would certainly be far more contrite and
humble. But few think of this.
We call upon the
heavens to be astonished at us: "Be astonished, O ye heavens, at
this." [Jer. ii, 12] If a nobleman is insulted in some public resort by a
low-born menial, the offense is considered great, and an adequate punishment is
demanded for such an outrage; and yet it is only a man who has been insulted by
another man, a worm that is offended by another worm, nothingness offended by
nothingness. But that this worm, this nothingness, should insult the Divine
majesty of God apparently causes no dismay. "Be astonished, O ye
heavens," but at least let us be ashamed and humble ourselves for our
insensate hardness of heart.
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